How Not To Freelance…

We have all been there, we try our best at making life better for ourselves and our families but it’s only later down the line with great hindsight that we can truly appreciate our almighty mistakes and erratic decisions.

  • Quit your day job, bonus points if your wife does so as well, special badge if you’re also expecting a baby.
  • Level up if you’ve also pulled your children out of school to home educate them, you can work at the kitchen table with constant interruptions. Wouldn’t want to waste money on office space.
  • Register as a business with the Tax Office even though you’ve not yet secured any clients, this helps with the next point.

  • Pay for advertising, the more the better, don’t worry about looking for it, once you’ve registered your business you’ll get several calls a day from adverting sales reps, only too happy to take your cash.
  • Don’t bother making a plan, targets, finances will look after themselves, right?
  • Contracts are for losers, not worth having one or even better have a fifteen-page contract that no one will ever read.
  • No need to keep training, it’s not like there are thousands of great resources online, including
  • Be sure to spend time every day with people who remind you what a great career you left behind,  special star if it’s a relative, level up if this person is your mum.
  • Spend weeks on one project with the sketchy client, turn others away to invest time and effort into one job, I’m sure he’ll make up his mind eventually.
  • Never ask what the budget is, we’re British, we don’t talk money.
  • Don’t bother with joining local meet ups, who needs to socialise? Not me, I’m happy here in my room, I can barely hear the children fighting over the sound of my own sobbing, besides the phone hasn’t stopped ringing all day, Mums called twice and  I’ve bought a full page of advertising in the Yorkshire Pigeon Racers Gazette, I’m sure the readership are looking for bespoke, professional design.

We did all these and more, we’ve ridden the freelance roller coaster with stops at:

  • Nightmare client pulls out after 6 months of work, without paying.
  • International Company (household name) offers us big job, says “No we are not paying, but it’ll look great in your portfolio”
  • Do us a free mock up, oops we’ve given to someone else to code, badly. No we’re not paying.

We’ve had dry patches lasting so long we’ve questioned everything we stand for, we’ve taken part time jobs as baristas and shop assistants, worked night shifts and graveyard shifts to get the bills paid.

If you avoid our mistakes you can get a firing start, hit all the speed boosts and get some real air on your jumps, avoiding the ditches and beat those level up situations into submission.

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